I'm scared
by baby hosey
Summary: reyes is scared of her feelings and tgis is how it could pan out. not within xfiles time span... just a bit of fun.


Scared (re write)

How can this be happening to me...? I've never felt this way before... Not even for a guy but for a woman it's unbeknown to me... But she pulls me in every bloody time... That smile, those eyes. I just melt and I have to look away.

I do not stop thinking, dreaming and seeing her... All I wanna do is reach out and touch her, but I dared not... I'm a wimp, why can't I reach out and touch her, test the waters but if I do and she freaks ill never see her... She'll push me as far away as. She can but I need her...

Uhh my angers brewing again... I'm in the office on my own... I can't be around john too much... He'll see that something's wrong and I can't confess this... Not that I'm attracted to a woman...

Uhh I stand; I need to release this anger... I throw the pen pot in front of me across the room... Bang... Umm good... Uhh the bin... I kick that across the room... Bang, bang... Yeah I'm feeling better what else can I throw... I look at the desk uhh the case file... That's gone behind me when I hear a voice...

"Feel better for that?"

uhh no it Dana, the last person I need to see, I turn to her... "What's wrong Mon?"

this undoes me... Like she always does...

"Nothing"

I wanna escape but she's blocking the door, I walk up to her... I need to get out and away but Dana's in front I'm conscious of her being so close, I'd normally of pushed past but I can't her, and especially being pregnant,

"excuse me... Please"

she doesn't look happy at this but steps aside...

"Thanks" is all I say.

I walk down to the bathroom... I lock myself in a cubical... I just want quiet from Dana and my thoughts, I hear the door open, and I stay quiet...

"Mon I know your in here"

for fucks sake its Dana... I stay quiet...

"Mon don't ignore me" I can see she's stood just outside my cubical

"open it or ill break through"

I can tell she means it. So I unlock the door, I don't want to but I do... I sit back as she comes in, she's proper close and she locks the door behind her, she's way to close... I look down she's too close, if I look ill want to touch her and I can't... She squats in front of me and rests her hands on my knees for support

"Mon look at me" she's speaking very calmly...

I can't look... I won't look... I shake my head

"Mon please"

god she's undoing me again... But I must be strong

"Mon"

I feel her move, maybe she's leaving... No she puts her hand on my cheek... My god I wanna die... I like it but it's wrong to... I've cried out for this moment but to her it can't be sexual... I still won't move...

"I know I've upset you but what have I done, Please tell me"

she doesn't move her hand but starts to stroke my cheek with her thumb... Now how to tackle this...I have to speak "Dana you have done nothing wrong... It's just me" I hope she'll take this and go...

"Mon, that's bull, you won't look at me, you won't come near me so cut the crap, talk to me"

"I can't do it Dana, its wrong"

its not a lie how can I tell my straight pregnant colleague that I fantasies about her all the time and in my dreams I'm with her.. And being around her hurts me... I can't...

"Mon, please what's going on? I'm not going till I know" and knowing Dana she won't either... I take a deep breath and look up...

"Dana it's not easy to say but... I like you" she smiles... "Really?"

deep breath "yes but not in the way you'll think"

her hands still on my cheek which is a little weird... And she looks happy...

"You like me seriously?"

I'm not Lying anymore if I'm gonna lose her, ill lose her telling her the truth

"yes Dana, I look at you and just wanna hold you, I think of you loads and yes I know your straight and pregant so now you'll run and freak out"

I look down... I want to cry... But she's pulling my chin up... I don't want to face her...

"Straight? You think I'm straight? Come on Mon. Just cos I'm pregnant don't mean I'm straight"

she says then...oh my god she moving in... I suddenly feel panic... What's going on...? She kisses my cheek... She draws back...

"Mon, I never thought you were or that you'd like me"

I'm shocked and speechless...

"Mon I don't want to do this here... Come over mine later and well talk properly, ok?"

still stunned I nod... Dana gets up

"7 at mine ok?"

I nod... "Ok, see you later... Dana"

and she leave... Dana just kissed me on the cheek and she's gay... not straight... And I'm going over hers later... Wow... Shock... I snap out of it, I'd better get back to the office and clean up my mess before john gets in...

I'm in a daze all day... All I can think of is Dana kissing my cheek... It quickly approaches 7 and I start to get worried what does Dana want or expect? I've never fallen for a woman before; I have no idea what to do or anything... I leave work and I'm really, really anxious... My heart crying out for her but my brains warning me... I drive over my brain wont shut up... What if she wants me? What if she expects me to sleep with her? What if... shut up... This is Dana... Dana for god's sake it'll be fine... I arrive and slowly walk up... I knock and Dana answers in a lovely blouse I've not seen her in before, she's made an effort... For me...

"Hi Mon"

"yeah hi"

"come in, want a drink?"

I don't know what I want "no I'm ok thanks"

I walk in and she shuts the door behind me I take off my coat and I arrive at the sofa as Dana does... She sits looking at me I have no idea what to say... I don't think Dana does either...

"Mon, what's going on with you?"

I take a deep breath "I don't know Dana, I'm very confused... I've never felt for a woman before but you've taken over my everything..."

I sound so negative and that's not me...Dana smiles

"and what do you want?"

oww god I'd not thought about this...

"I don't know... But I feel I'd like to try with you but only if you feel it won't affect our work or friendship"

I'm more nervous now... My brains going mad...Dana's smiling

"ok I'm sure we can manage that"

What do I do now? Dana's' moving closer...

"Dana I need you to know, I've never done anything... Ever with another woman ok?" I needed her to know...

"Its ok Mon well take it as and when you're ready"

she moves so close now I can feel her breath on my skin, it tingles... She opens her arms... I let her in and I hold her... She smells so good, she feels so good...

"Dana you feel so good" it slips out...

I bite my lip but its too late it's slipped out...

"Thank you" she laughs

I move to look at her and I touch her cheek, her eyes are drawing me in... Oww god I want to kiss her so much... I slowly move in... I stop just before our lips join... Breathing in her scent... She moves her hand to my neck... A last deep breath... And I move in, our lips join... Uhh it feels so good... I linger on her Lips this feels so good... She pulls away looking at me...

"Umm that was nice... You ok?"

"I'm great"

I smile back and I move in again more sure this time; I move my hand and tangle it in her hair... It's as soft as I dreamed it was... I relax more on her lips and I start to push my tongue through, I want to taste more... She lets me in... Our tongues clash... I'm in heaven... I feel her hand moving she pulling me in closer to her, it feels wonderful... I move my hand intent to go on her leg... As I move it down I brush her breast and I Freeze...

This is wrong... I pull away...

"Mon what's wrong?"

I move right away from her... This feels wrong... This isn't who I am...

"Umm... I..." I'm stumped...

I don't know what to say... I stand up...I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out... I walk across and pick up my jacket... I look back... I'm scared... And I'm running away...

"Sorry" is all I say as I walk out the door...

I get out to my car... I can still feel her and smell her... I don't know what to do... I don't want to be alone but I can't go back in... I turn off my Mobile and drive to Johns...

I arrive and knock on the door... I hear him coming; he opens the door he looks surprised

"Mon you ok?" I shake my head...

"Come here" he says and opens his arms...

I shake my head...

"Mon, get in here" he almost demands.

We sit on the couch; he's looking at me trying to work out what's wrong...

"john I've made a mistake and I've ruined something special" he puts his hand on mine,

"do you want to talk about it?"

I know I can trust john... But he knows Dana... better than I do...ill tell him just not who it is...

"John, I've fallen for someone... And I've just been round there and we started to get close and I freaked out and..." my voice breaks... I'm in tears...

"Come here" he says and pulls me into his arms...

I hold him and continue to cry... I feel so pathetic and yeah I probably have ruined everything... How could I run from her with a pathetic sorry? I'm such an idiot... I try to calm... "John I really like this person and I've probably ruined what we could have had... I just walked out with a pathetic sorry...she must think so little of me"

I pause and look at john I don't like his expression... "What?" I ask...

"She...you said she must think... It's another woman?"... "Yeah... I just fell for her and it turned out she liked me too but I've blown it"

John looks so sincere

"Mon you don't need to explain yourself to me, I love you whoever you are"

he gives me another squeeze then let's go.

"Shall we talk about this or leave it?"... I think

"maybe I should talk about it"

john nods...and I start...

"well the first time I saw her I felt sick, and over time I realised I was falling for her but I couldn't tell her, well she came to me when I was upset and I told her, she was cool and said she liked me to. Well I went over this evening and we talked and yeah then I freaked out when we started kissing and walked out, I'm such a prat, she'll now think I don't like her but I do... I just couldn't hack being that close so soon. What do I do?"

john smiles and touches my cheek

"Mon if this woman knows you at all she will know you feel for her to let her close and will understand your reaction" he pulls his hand away I smile

"you know me too well" we both smile,

"Why don't you call her?"

I think "yeah I will, ill pop outside"...

I feel better and go out to call Dana... I dial her number, its ringing and ringing, no answer so I try her cell, again no answer. I feel worse now, I walk back in, john look up at me and just walks to me and hugs me, and he knows me too well.

"come on Mon let's go to bed, Let's try again in the morning"

I just nod as john Leads me to the bedroom, he leaves me to change into my pjs I leave at his and I slip into bed, then he joins me.

Soon he's snoring but I'm awake worrying as to where Dana could be, I hope she's ok. I must of fallen asleep as the next thing I know is john calling me,

"Mon time to get up, I've showered and making coffee" "ok ill shower. Is my shirt still in the closet?"

I always leave a few bits at his

"yeah cleaned and ironed"

"thanks, won't be long"

I get into the shower and all I can see is Dana, I'm worried about where she was or if she was ignoring me, I wonder if she'll be in today, or if I even want to see her...I think I do but I don't... God why can't love be easier? Well all showered, dressed and full of caffeined up on way to the office

"you ok Mon? You gonna try call her again?"

"Maybe ill see how I feel later"

We arrive at the office and we see Skinner in the garage, "morning sir" calls john,

"morning agents, agent scully's not in today, she's...uhh... Unwell"

this hits me hard, if it was a punch it would of winded me, I just nod and we all start walking in

"oww john I need to go over that paperwork with you still, do you want to come up now?" asks Skinner

"yeah may as well, you be ok Mon?"

I look at him, he jogged my thoughts

"yeah ill be fine, ill meet you in the office"

john smiles and goes with Skinner... I want to do nothing more but cry, I've ruined what I have with Dana and now she's avoiding me...

I get to the office and I'm in tears again... I sit on the chair and lean my head in the desk... I've blown my chance with Dana... I've lost her in every way, I'm sobbing into my arm on the desk, I become conscious of someone else in the room, getting closer

"john please leave me be a minute"

I call but I know he's not leaving then I feel a hand on my shoulder, its to small and gentle to be Johns hand I turn and see... No it can't be...

"Dana"...

She smiles "hi, these for me? Or yourself?"

I wipe my face and hold out my hand "for you"

I smile, she smiles back and sits on the edge of the desk... I feel a little better...

"How are you feeling? Are you ok? Skinner said you weren't coming in" her faces changes

"umm... Yeah after you went I felt really ill and I didn't want to be alone so I called Skinner, I stayed over his"

she looks worried

"Dana why you look so worried?"

"I didn't know what you thought of my sleeping over Skinners, its nothing sexual, he's like a dad to me, and he just helps me out, more so since I became pregnant. Please don't think its anything more"

I put my hand on hers

"I don't think more of it, I know Skinner looks after you, I'm just sorry. I tried to call you and when I got no answer I was worried you were ignoring me, then I heard you were off and again I thought I'd ruined it all but I'm glad your ok with me"

I keep hold of her hand, she slips her fingers between mine and squeezes,

"Mon I know you got scared last night and I know you meant what you said before, its fine. We can start again slowly... At your pace ok?"

I start to cry again, I didn't think I'd hear this from her... She strokes my tears away

"Dana these are happy tears I can't believe your saying this, I was so scared last night" I smile

"yeah where did you go last night? I tried to call you to say I was unwell and going to Skinners but got no answer"

"I went to Johns, I stay over his sometimes. This is why I was so cool about you staying at skinners..." I pause... "Dana were you serious about us starting again slower?"

I pray its a yes...

"Mon of course, I know how you work and I know why you walked out, you got freaked but it doesn't matter I like you and I want to be with you"

I feel so happy, I stand and move in front of Dana, I put my hand on her cheek and I move into kiss her,

"Mon you don't have to"

"I know I want to"

I move in closer and I'm kissing her, she puts her hand around my neck and holds me... I pull away

"thank you" I say...

I mean it on so many levels, I leave my hand on her cheek, and I love how her skin feels

"shall we meet up later?" Dana asks

"if your up to it?"...

"Yeah I'm ok, as long as it just chilling"

I smile "ok hun, you wanna come over mine, ill cook something nice"

Dana smiles that wonderful smile "ok, let me know a time later as I think your going out in a bit"

I just smile...

"What did you come in for?"

Dana smiles and looks a little shy "to see you and get the book you lent me, I wanna read it while I'm at home today. Neway I had better go"

but I don't move "one more before you go..."

I give a cheeky smile and I kiss her again...

While were kissing I'm aware of a noise behind Dana but I'm too into this kiss... I then hear a knock we pull away and I say 'come in' the door opens and its john and Skinner,

"hey were about the head out are you coming?" asks john "yes of course"

"ok well were going soon"

I nod and grab my gear, we all walk out to the garage quiet, all I can think of is my last kiss with Dana and smile.

The day fly's by and I'm soon at home cooking my pasta bake, I haven't had it in ages as I can never get the portions right for just me, I'm all excited about seeing Dana and I know she has no expectations of me. She arrives, I kiss her as she walks in, and this is becoming natural to me now. we have dinner but she seems uncomfortable and fidgety, after we eat I sit on the sofa next to Dana

"what's wrong hun?"

she half smiles "I'm stiff in my shoulders, but its ok"

I know what to do,

"stand up a min hun"

she does I sit across the sofa spreading my legs, my right off the sofa,

"come sit here" I pat the space between my legs,

she eases herself into the space without a complaint and snuggles in, I move back a little and start to massage her shoulders

"hmm miss you are tense, what's wrong?"

"I'm just thinking about this"

"about what?"

"How all of a sudden I'm sat here with you getting a massage, cooked dinner, and kisses... I'm not used to it"

I smile and lean into her ear "but your worth it".

We sat for ages that evening talking... I didn't want it to end but it had to...

After this I started to spend as much time I could with Dana at hers or mine, I gave up smoking for her too, well not fully for her I needed to quit neway but I took to having a lolly everytime I wanted a ciggy...

Over time my confidence grew with being with her and touching her...her body was amazing and it felt more and more amazing, we never slept together in that way but I spent many nights with her... I refused to let myself go the full way until she'd had little one...it would of been wrong but uhh one day it was very hard to hold back...

I woke in my bed alone, and I was horny... I was dying to feel Dana... I showered hoping my mood would fade but it didn't, I got to work and strolled to the office. I walked in and Dana was looking into the filling cabinet... God she looked so gorgeous, this didn't help my mood... I had to have her... I stepped in and quietly locked the door and walked up to her, I put my arms around her and snuggled in

"morning sexy, I missed you this morning"

"umm morning, I missed you too"

I pull back and allow her to turn to face me... I move into kiss her

"Mon were at work"

I smile and lean into her ear "doors locked and the boys are busy... Step back for me baby"

she does and I pin her against the cabinet, and kiss her neck... She feels so good... I move up and gently kiss her on the lips... Umm I could cum for just touching her... She's kissing me back and I'm melting... Dana pulls back "mums not with me tonight so you coming over?" I smile "need you ask baby... I want to feel you so much"

I move back a little to let her breath as I had her proper pinned... She reaches out again... Lips slightly parted and I move into her lips again... I have to hold myself so I don't cum... God I'm falling so hard and fast for her...

That night in bed Dana surprised me... We had been doing our normal serious, fierce kissing and touching... tonight that was hard to hold back going all the way... But Dana didn't seem right after I'd stopped...

"What's wrong hun? Your very quiet"

I was worried I'd upset her... She moved closer and put her hand on my cheek

"Monica"

opps I'm in shit she never calls me Monica...

"I've not been with you long but I feel I've known you forever, you make me feel so good and I... I..."

"You what Dana?"

"Monica I... I love you"

I wanna fall over... I'm in shock... Dana loves me...

"I love you too"... From that moment life was good...


End file.
